It's been quite some time since my last post.  I'll start with my 36 week picture update:

 Gavin took these pictures Tuesday morning just like we always did on even weeks.  I had been to my regular OB appointment the day before....I was dilated to a 1 and maybe 75% effaced.  Dr. Grafa said to go home and take it easy because he had to go to a meeting in Houston and would be gone for only 24 hours.  No problem...things have gone so smoothly and I was dilated to a 2 or 3 for weeks with Gavin.  I was 36 weeks exactly.  I went home to do nothing as instructed.  That night, the contractions began...nothing new...I have had contractions with this pregnancy since very early on.  However, they seemed to be close...I began timing them and they were every 2 to 6 minutes apart from 1:30 am until Taylor and Gavin got up at 6am.  I told Taylor I needed to call the doctor's office when they open and I just wanted the nurse to check and make sure I'm not dilating more since Grafa was out of town.  We dropped Gavin at school and went to Sams for a couple of things to wait until the office opened.  While at sams, the highway patrol officer called to check the car seats for us.  This officer is the ONLY person I could find within 60 miles to check the car seats without charging us.  He was so helpful...he came to sams parking lot and not only checked the seats, he taught us how to make sure everything is installed properly.

The doctor's office called and said to go to the hospital to be checked...dang it...I really didn't want to go through a check in at the hospital....but better safe than sorry.  We went to WNJ and I was dilated to a 2 and effaced more and a couple of hours later I was dilated a little more so they decided I was in active labor and they wouldn't give the meds to stop the labor.  Dr. Sandman came in since he was on call and let me know we would have to have a c-section.  I explained that Dr. Grafa and I had a different plan and that Baby B had finally cooperated and turned head down so Grafa was going to try a vaginal birth.  Sandman wasn't comfortable vaginally delivering twins and refused.  I asked to let me labor without pitocin since Grafa should be back by 6ish and then he would be there in plenty of time.  Sandman kept saying how dangerous it is to deliver twins vaginally....I was so upset and just couldn't believe that the 24 hours my doctor is gone is the day my babies decide to show up.  Taylor and I prayed and asked God to bring our babies into the world in His timing and His perfect delivery...and I let it go.

A few hours later, Sandman came in with an ultrasound machine and said that if Baby B was still head down, he would let me labor until Grafa got back...they were still trying to get in touch with him to find out his return time.  Baby B was still down...so labor away.

A few more hours pass and Sandman came back to let us know he had gotten in touch with Grafa and it was going to be 10 or 11 pm before he would be back...we couldn't wait that long.  We had to do a c-section....I was at peace with this....I had turned it over to God and this was His plan.  That doesn't mean I wasn't scared out of my mind.  I guess it's the unknown...I have had two vaginal births so I know I can do it...major abdominal surgery just seemed so scary.

At about 5:30 Dr. Sandman delivered two precious baby boys.  I could hear Beckem screaming like crazy....finally I heard Adler's cries....I could see the doctors and nurses working with the babies and I could tell something was going on with one of the babies....I could only see the doctor and nurses' eyes due to the masks and their eyes revealed a bit of worry and urgency.  They showed me Adler, then showed me Beckem and whisked them away.

Adler gulped some amniotic fluid during the birth and needed oxygen, Beckem's heart rate dropped to 90 right after birth.  They put both babies on oxygen, and iv fluids.  I didn't get to see them until late that night....I remember a nurse asking if I had seen them and I was crying telling her no and she wheeled my bed to the nicu to see them.  None of this was what I had planned...certainly not what I expected.  I was devastated to see my babies hooked to so many tubes and I couldn't even hold them much less nurse them as I had planned to do soon after birth.  I only got to see them a few minutes.

 I think it was day 2 that I finally got to hold them...things were a little blury...

Three days later, Dr. Rue came into my room to tell us Beckem needed to go to Dallas....she could hear a heart murmur.  I type through tears to relive this moment.  The helicopter was already on the way.  We went to the nicu as the team arrived....the flight nurses began prepping him for his trip.  One asked me if we had gotten a picture of them together yet...we hadn't....so she held Beckem over Adler's bed and let us take a picture....my heart just broke....I thought she was probably letting us do that because they didn't think Beckem would make it and she wanted me to have at least one picture of them together.

Taylor left as soon as the flight left so he would be there when Beckem arrived.  I obviously stayed behind since I wasn't discharged from the hospital yet.  Those next couple of nights were horrible...I was alone...Adler was still in the WNJ nicu, Beckem in Dallas, Taylor trying to work then be with Beckem after work.  I remember laying in my hospital bed at night and I could hear the mom in the room across the hall...actually I could hear her baby crying...and I cried...I felt completely sorry for myself and cried because I had TWO babies and not one of them were with me. 

A couple of days later, they decided Adler could leave the NICU and room with me like a normal baby...I was actually discharged but since he still needed hospital care, I was allowed to room in with him until his release....thank God!!  I was so grateful to have him with me and couldn't wait to be released so I could be with Beckem. 

Beckem saw a team of doctors...the cardiologist saw two holes in his heart...one ASD and one VSD.  Sometimes these close as the baby grows but one of his was so large they didn't expect it would close and surgery would be necessary in the future.  They also decided to do genetic/chromosome testing due to his large head, ear dips, long fingers and the VSD.  The poor little guy also had a grade 2 brain bleed. 

I finally got to Medical City so I could see Beckem.  He was so tiny, so pale, and hooked up to so many things...and the machine was beeping red and loud every time his oxygen dropped which was often.  I didn't know what to do...I tried to sing to him, but i couldn't stop crying....tried to talk to him but couldn't stop crying....the nurse that night, Mae, was so sweet...she came over and tried to comfort me.  The next several visits all I could do was hold him and cry...I would try to hold back the tears....but my dear friend Holly told me..."don't you dare hold back one tear of concern and love for that baby"...so I didn't. 

Our friends and family rallied around us with prayers, support, supplies, love, concern....We have never felt so covered in prayer by God's children.  I saw God like I have never seen Him before....he provided a place for us to stay near Beckem, the Ronald McDonald House, protected us while traveling to and from the hospital, allowed my mom to be there with us for a week to care for Adler while I was with Beckem...I could go on and on....He poured blessings upon us.  But most of all, He began healing Beckem in ways the doctors couldn't explain....He provided wonderful doctors, nurses, and therapists to work with Beckem.  Beckem's genetic testing came back completely normal...praise GOD!!!!  Finally, after 3 weeks, Beckem was going to come home!! 

We are now home adjusting to this crazy wonderful life with TWO babies!!  I truly love every single second...even at 2 am.  Beckem has lots of doctor appointments and requires some extra care at home with his feedings and meds.  He is a little weak due to his heart...he rarely cries but whimpers instead.  I feed him first to prevent him being stressed...poor Adler has to wait at times and he's very vocal about it!  Beckem can only drink a small amount due to some of the medicine he takes so his milk is fortified to have extra calories.  He never seems to mind that it's such a small amount and he eats voraciously!  Adler loves to eat too...he nurses some and sometimes it's easier to give him my milk in a bottle since I'm pumping anyway.  The only problem is that he spits up quite a bit with the bottle.

They are both growing so well and are absolutely precious.....I'm blessed beyond what I deserve...we serve a gracious God.